


Pounded by the Dick of Dicklord, the Sentient Giant Dick

by funnypoopies



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:22:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27283360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funnypoopies/pseuds/funnypoopies
Summary: i dont know where to begin so we wont
Relationships: dicklord/christian
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	Pounded by the Dick of Dicklord, the Sentient Giant Dick

**Author's Note:**

> i was 13 when i rread my immortal but it gave me an immense feeling of joy. you know that feeling where sommething is so cringy that you get second hand embarrassment but laugh anyway? I want to give it to you. i want to give it to everybody. everyone deaerves that visceral chill. its pure bliss.

My name is Christian “Straight” White, which is triply ironic, since I’m none of those things. I am a black man whose mother grew up in abject poverty and suffering, and after finding solace and community in God, decided to name me after her religion. As for my middle name, my mother added it as a sort of talisman to help protect me against the evils of the homosexual agenda. Sadly, it didn’t really work. 

It took many years to overcome my own internalised shame around my sexuality. I grew up in a Christian community and all my friends had strong faith in God. When I eventually came out to them, most of them rejected me and I found myself to be devoid of the warm brotherhood I once had. Fortunately, I managed to make new friends and even found myself new religions, ones that unconditionally accepted me: communism and the cult of Dicklord, or as we call him, The Dark Lord. 

Now this might sound very sinister to you, but rest assured, the religion of the Dark Lord is peaceful and accepting; unless you’re a bigot. We all know of the legend of Qistina, the only human to date who had managed to harness the immeasurable power of the Dark Lord. And this did not come cheap. According to the legend, Qistina had to deliver him 500 dicks from bigoted men, slain by her hand only. And in return, the Dark Lord eliminated the 45th President of the United States of America, Donald J Trump, and all forms of ignorance and bigotry… in her timeline alone. 

Qistina’s timeline became an almost perfect utopia, but as for my timeline, only the former part of her wish came true. Trump was succeeded by Mike Pence, who was substantially worse, and then a Democratic president who did almost nothing to change the situation. America remained a corporate oligarchy, just one without Trump. Under the two-party system, the powers of the police grew and America turned into even more of a police state than it already was.

My mother suffered the same fate as her mother, and her mother before her. Despite my strong beliefs in communism and the Dark Lord, I felt so helpless. I wanted to change something, I wanted people to feel safer. 

But what can one man do? I couldn’t start a communist revolution, not without a mass of angry, disillusioned people, and I couldn’t make a worthy sacrifice to the Dark Lord on my own either. I was just a grain of sand in an infinite desert. I filled the void of helplessness by engaging in gratuitous amounts of sex away from the watchful eye of my mother. Lots of people make fun of me because my name is similar to the character Christian Grey from the famous, world-renowned novel 50 shades of grey, which satirised the masculine-feminine/rich-working-class dynamic of the two protagonists embodying archetypes of the heterosexual hegemony. But there are actually similarities. For one, Christian is really horny. 

Actually, that’s where the similarities end. Christian is a sadist, whereas I am a masochist. Christian is abusive, whereas I am not. I spent my days wilding out in secret BDSM clubs, where I would engage in my various fetishes such as humiliation, feet and sounding. 

One night, I appeared by the doorstep, ready for another helping of debauchery. 

“Password,” the doorman said. 

“I AM HERE FOR THE ORGY,” I said in capital letters, and he opened the door with a warm smile. 

“Welcome,” he replied kindly. 

I made my way to my usual spot to partake in the orgy. There, I saw 3 men getting it on. 

“Mind if I join you fellas?” I said with a smirk. 

“Yeah, brother,” said one of them with a heavy Southern accent. “The more the merrier!” 

As he was penetrating me, I saw another one of the men staring intently at me while we were all fucking. I smiled back at him coyly. 

After the orgy was over, we approached each other and agreed to go to his place for a more intimate experience. We walked to his house in silence, and trust me, the sexual tension was there. 

Upon entering his room, he pinned me to his bed so fast that I scarcely had the time to look around the place. We started getting hot and heavy, but as soon as it was getting good, he frowned at me and said, “Sorry, I gotta take a shit.” 

“That’s perfectly fine,” I said. “Just do what you gotta do bro.” 

I took the chance to walk around his room and check out the decor. On his door, he had a small black and white photograph of what looked like a rally. 

“So he’s into old stuff,” I thought to myself. “How charming.” 

Wait… was that who I thought it was? 

Sure enough, the man with the little mustache was Adolf Hitler himself. Horrified, I stepped back only to see a giant Nazi flag draped over one of the walls. What the fuck? Why hadn’t I noticed that earlier? It was like I was a character in a book who was oblivious until it was convenient to the plot. 

I looked around some more, frantically trying to uncover as much as I could about this fascist. What I saw blew my mind; on his table were blueprints for a bomb and an evil scheme to drop it on the Jewish synagogue in the neighbourhood. I felt more helpless than ever. But what could I do? Call the police? They wouldn’t do shit. They bought Dylann Roof a Burger King meal, for the Dark Lord’s sake. 

“I need to get out of here, this has to be some sort of trick,” I thought. I was so nervous that even the words in my brain trembled. 

Just at that moment, the man came back. 

“I’m done shitting,” he announced. 

“Stand back fascist!” I yelled. “You’re a fucking terrorist!” 

“I’m not - Yeah fuck it I am,” he replied, more calmly than I thought he would. 

“I- I’m gonna tell everyone about your evil plans, you can’t stop me,” I said, making a dash for the door. 

Before I could even get close, he grabbed my arm and pulled a knife on me, holding it steadily against my neck. As the blade made contact with my skin, I felt my willpower wavering. 

“This is how I die,” I thought. “In the arms of a homosexual fascist.” 

“You know I can’t let you go now, right?” he rasped. 

“Please,” I trembled, “I promise I won’t tell anyone.” 

“You might be telling the truth now, but once you get out we both know it’ll become a lie.” 

My tears dripped down the blade. I saw my life flash before my eyes, a kaleidoscope of memories. My childhood, my family, my lovers, my politics, my religion… 

The Dark Lord. Qistina. Their power and fight for justice. 

Suddenly, I felt a supernatural burst of energy flood my veins like heroin on crack. I kicked the Nazi in his balls and caught off guard, he tumbled to the floor. 

I pounced him, narrowly avoiding his knife as he fought back against my grip. At the last moment, I managed to divert the blade, redirecting it and stabbing him in the cock. 

He screamed a bloodcurdling scream, body finally going limp. 

“Oh Dicklord,” I thought. “I just killed a guy.” 

In pure exhaustion, I sobbed over his corpse, eyeing my own bloody hands. 

Suddenly, I saw an oblong object rising from the ground. The room began to expand and dissolve into the fuzzy boundaries of space, and there, I saw him in his full glory. The thing I had worshipped for my whole adult life. 

For what seemed like eternity, I admired the giant cock, speechless. He had descended upon me like an angel in my most vulnerable moment. 

“Christian,” he boomed. “You have presented me with a worthy sacrifice.” 

“T-Thank you, Dark Lord,” I replied meekly, “For blessing me with your presence. But it is nowhere near the 500 that Qistina had presented you. I am not worthy of this sight.” 

“It was actually 1000 dicks. Only that could have fuelled my power to that extent. But I can still give you a small token of appreciation, Christian. Even in the darkest moments, you never lost hope.” 

“I know it’s a lot to swallow,” he continued. “But I hope you’ll like this.” 

From his midsection, the Dark Lord began to grow a second dick. Although it was considerably smaller than his immense length and girth, it was still magnificent. 

Beautiful down to every detail, the hair, balls, shaft and even wrinkles. And obviously very, very large at least by human standards. It must have been more than 8 inches and had the width of a bubble tea bottle. 

“I couldn’t possibly accept this. I’m not worthy, Dark Lord,” I finally spat out. 

“Suck,” he commanded. “You deserve it Christian. And please, call me Dicklorrd.” 

Gingerly, I opened my mouth and let Dicklord’s dick in. He tasted wonderful. He tasted like all of my favourite foods at once, somehow without any sort of flavour clash. He felt like velvet on my tongue. I began to blow him in earnest and soon enough, his dick had grown to its full length. 

I had never been so horny in my life. 

“Please, Dicklord,” I begged. “I humbly request your cock in my ass.” 

Soon enough, I was on all fours. Dicklord’s dick was positioned near my hole, ready to enter me. For a second, I wondered how all of him was going to fit in me. But as soon as he penetrated me, it was like my asshole had grown a pocket dimension. 

“Wow,” I said, “It’s like my asshole has grown a pocket dimension.” 

“It has actually,” Dicklord replied honestly as he pounded me. “You would not be able to accommodate my size otherwise.” 

He continued to pound me, and soon enough I came without even touching myself. Even after I nutted, he continued to fuck me until his dick too had came, filling me up with his lordly cum. 

“Thank you Dicklord,” I said through pants. 

“You are welcome, my humble subject.” he replied. “Also, you can levitate now because I came in you.” 

“Sick,” I thought, and thanked him once more. 

Suddenly, the space around me began to close in once more and I was transported back to my own room. 

Just as I could sink into the softness of my own bed, I got a call from my Dicklord church friend Jeremy. 

“Christian, the Dark Lord came to us in the form of an experimental puppet show and told us what you did. Thank you. You saved lots of people. And don’t worry, he’s taken care of the body. After he died, his whole existence was erased except to the Dark Lord’s followers.” 

“Thanks so much Jeremy,” I said. “Let’s not lose hope and continue fighting fascists together. Also, I can levitate now because Dicklord came in my ass.”

“Really? Sick,” he replied, and I could practically see his serene smile on the other end of the telephone line.

**Author's Note:**

> guys he can levitate


End file.
